Thursday, June 18, 2009

How to Behave If You Really Love Your Partner

Real love is something deep that occupies your entire soul. If you really love your partner, this means that you have to be like a father or a mother, like a brother or sister, a best friend, everything to them.

When you really love someone you are protective and you try to please them. This is how you should behave. Show real affection, care for the person you love, and help them in their lives.

Never try to provoke jealousy, never lie or play with them. Respect them and be sincere; make them feel they can trust you. This is how your relationship will be ideal, and your partner will feel happy with you.

When you have goodness in your heart, you receive it in life. And, the special person for you is the one that deserves to receive all your care. This means that you should not complain about anything or show disappointment. Be nice and sweet. Don't forget to keep your romantic mood always alive, even in the difficult moments of life.

If you feel that this is hard, this is a sign that your relationship is not giving you the happiness it should. You could be with the wrong person, or you are making mistakes that are ruining your relationship. If you don't feel the impulse to be protective and do things that will please your partner, this means that your love is not real. You have simply found someone you like in some points, nothing else. Real love is real dedication.

If you are afraid to be too good to them because they might take advantage of your goodness, this is a sign that you care more about your position than about the person you supposedly love. Perhaps you believe that only you love your partner so much, while he or she is not so warm with you. Another warning you should not ignore.

Only if you feel completely happy with someone and you want to be good to them, this means that you really love them and that they really love you. If they are indifferent, of course you don't feel like being sweet with them. However, if you want to conquer their heart, always be sweet, protective and dedicated. Don't stop trying to have a perfect relationship.

When you really conquer their heart, both of you will be very generous to one another. This is an obvious proof of real love.

Christina Sponias continued Carl Jung's research into the human psyche, discovering the cure for all mental illnesses, and simplifying the scientific method of dream interpretation that teaches you how to exactly translate the meaning of your dreams, so that you can find health, wisdom and happiness.

Why We Love Who We Love

Have you ever known a married couple that just didn't seem as though they should fit together--yet they are both happy in the marriage, and you can't figure out why?

I know of one couple: He is a burly ex-athlete who, in addition to being a successful salesman, coached Little League, was active in his Rotary Club and played golf every Saturday with friends. Meanwhile, his wife is petite, quiet and a complete homebody. She doesn't even like to go out to dinner.

What mysterious force drives us into the arms of one person, while pushing us away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer?

Of the many factors influencing our idea of the perfect mate, one of the most telling, according to John Money, professor emeritus of medical psychology and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, is what he calls our 'lovemap'--a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, body build. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether it's the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type.

In short, we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our lovemap. And this lovemap is largely determined in childhood. By age eight, the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains.

When I lecture, I often ask couples in the audience what drew them to their dates or mates. Answers range from 'She's strong and independent' and 'I go for redheads' to 'I love his sense of humor' and 'That crooked smile, that's what did it.'

I believe what they say. But I also know that if I were to ask those same men and women to describe their mothers, there would be many similarities between their ideal mates and their moms. Yes, our mothers--the first real love of our lives--write a significant portion of our lovemap.

When we're little, our mother is the center of our attention, and we are the center of hers. So our mother's characteristics leave an indelible impression, and we are forever after attracted to people with her facial features, body type, personality, even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving, as adults we tend to be attracted to people who are warm and giving. If our mother was strong and even-tempered, we are going to be attracted to a fair-minded strength in our mates.

The mother has an additional influence on her sons: she not only gives them clues to what they will find attractive in a mate, but also affects how they feel about women in general. So if she is warm and nice, her sons are going to think that's the way women are. They will likely grow up warm and responsive lovers and also be cooperative around the house.

Conversely, a mother who has a depressive personality, and is sometimes friendly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting, may raise a man who becomes a 'dance-away lover.' Because he's been so scared about love from his mother, he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a girlfriend for this reason.

While the mother determines in large part what qualities attract us in a mate, it's the father--the first male in our lives--who influences how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children's personalities and chances of marital happiness.

Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women, fathers influence their daughter's general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she'll feel very good about herself in relation to men. But if the father is cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive.

What about opposites? Are they really attracted to each other? Yes and no. In many ways we want a mirror image of ourselves. Physically attractive people, for example, are usually drawn to a partner who's equally attractive.

In addition, most of us grow up with people of similar social circumstances. We hang around with people in the same town; our friends have about the same educational backgrounds and career goals. We tend to be most comfortable with these people, and therefore we tend to link up with others whose families are often much like our own.

Robert Winch, a longtime sociology professor at Northwestern University, stated in his research that our choice of a marriage partner involves a number of social similarities. But he also maintained that we look for someone with complementary needs. A talker is attracted to someone who likes to listen, or an aggressive personality may seek out a more passive partner.

It's rather like the old, but perceptive, saying on the subject of marriage that advises future partners to make sure that the holes in one's head fit the bumps in the other's. Or, as Winch observed, it's the balancing out of sociological likenesses and psychological differences that seems to point the way for the most solid lifelong romance.

However, there are instances where people of different social backgrounds end up getting married and being extremely happy. I know of one man, a factory worker from a traditional Irish family in Chicago, who fell in love with an African-American Baptist. When they got married, their friends and relatives predicted a quick failure. But 25 years later, the marriage is still strong.

It turns out that the woman was like her mother-in-law--a loving and caring person, the type who rolls up her sleeves and volunteers to work at church or help out people in need. This is the quality that her husband fell for, and it made color and religion and any other social factors irrelevant to him.

Or as George Burns, who was Jewish and married the Irish Catholic Gracie Allen, used to say: his marriage was his favorite gig, even though it was Gracie who got all the laughs. The two of them did share certain social similarities--both grew up in the city, in large but poor families. Yet what really drew them together was evident from the first time they went on stage together. They complemented each other perfectly: he was the straight man, and she delivered the punch lines.

There are certainly such 'odd couples' who could scarcely be happier. We all know some drop-dead beautiful person married to an unusually plain wallflower. This is a trade-off some call the equity theory.

When men and women possess a particular asset, such as high intelligence, unusual beauty, a personality that makes others swoon, or a hefty bankroll that has the same effect, some decide to trade their assets for someone else's strong points. The raging beauty may trade her luster for the power and security that come with big bucks. The not-so-talented fellow from a good family may swap his pedigree for a poor but brilliantly talented mate.

Indeed, almost any combination can survive and thrive. Once, some neighbors of mine stopped by for a friendly social engagement. During the evening Robert, a man in his 50s, suddenly blurted out, 'What would you say if your daughter planned to marry someone who has a ponytail and insisted on doing the cooking?'

'Unless your daughter loves cooking,' I responded, 'I'd say she was darn lucky.'

'Exactly,' his wife agreed. 'It's really your problem, Robert--that old macho thing rearing its head again. The point is, they're in love.'

I tried to reassure Robert, pointing out that the young man their daughter had picked out seemed to be a relaxed, nonjudgmental sort of person--a trait he shared with her own mother.

Is there such a thing as love at first sight? Why not? When people become love-struck, what happens in that instant is the couple probably discovers a unique something they have in common. It could be something as mundane as they both were reading the same book or were born in the same town. At the same time they recognize some trait in the other that complements their own personality.

I happen to be one of those who was struck by the magic wand. On that fateful weekend, while I was a sophomore at Cornell University, I had a terrible cold and hesitated to join my family on vacation in the Catskill Mountains. Finally I decided anything would be better than sitting alone in my dormitory room.

That night as I was preparing to go to dinner, my sister rushed up the stairs and said, 'When you walk into that dining room, you're going to meet the man you'll marry.'

I think I said something like 'Buzz off!' But my sister couldn't have been more right. I knew it from the moment I saw him, and the memory still gives me goose flesh. He was a premed student, also at Cornell, who incidentally also had a bad cold. I fell in love with Milton the instant I met him.

Milt and I were married for 39 years, until his death in 1989. And all that time we experienced a love that Erich Fromm called a 'feeling of fusion, of oneness,' even while we both continued to change, grow and fulfill our lives.
Dr. Joyce Brothers

4 Different Types Of Love

This love is the love that everybody needs to survive. It is that feeling of being cared for and nurtured. Some people would describe this as the type of love parents have for their children. This is so important: high on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs; and studies have even proven that people have died of a "broken heart" (there have been no explanations for their deaths other than that).

This is a love between yourself and someone that is totally honest, open and comfortable. You really only have this kind of bond with a few people. You might know a lot of people and be "friendly" with them in a group situation but they are not the best friends I am talking about here.
I have a theory that you can not truely be best friends with a member of the opposite sex. Down the line romance will always come up from either party and feelings will be misinterpreted and mistaken. When this happens, the friendship will change and possibly never be the same again.

(The much anticipated love!) Most people experience this type of love many times in their life. It is when you see that person for the first time and he/she makes your knees go weak or gives you butterflies in your stomach.i.e. "Love at first sight”. Most people don’t even love the person they think they are in love with…they fall in love with the idea if being in love. This is more of a lustful kind of love, it wears off after a while and hopefully leads to...

This is the sincere love, the love that lasts forever. This kind of love comes when you have found the person you are destined to be with. Nothing can destroy unconditional love. It is like when you have an argument or disagree about something with that person and you realize that it doesn’t bother you because the love you have for him/her overcomes everything.

Three Things That Only Feel Like Love

You know the feeling… that unexplainable and often sudden physical draw to another person that hits you like a ton of bricks within moments of meeting. This is the feeling that is all too often mistaken for “love at first sight” but that is really nothing more than an intense physical attraction. When we fall in lust we often think we’re in love for three reasons; the attraction is instantly intense and therefore feels pre-destined, you are essentially strangers meaning that your idea of who the person is resides almost entirely in the realm of fantasy and fantasies always seem perfect, and finally, you have yet to really see the other person for who they are because you are so caught up in a whirlwind of desire that you see only what you want to see. If love blinds then lust gouges out your eyes and renders you an irrational mess. Overwhelmed by the physical allure people in lust can’t keep their hands off of each other, they think about and talk about one another 24/7. If you are inexperienced in matters of the heart it is hard to see that lustful feelings are only of a surface nature. Lust differs from love like night differs from day. When you are in lust you are still in the dark about the other person, they look good because you haven’t seen them in the clear light of day, but eventually reality will take hold. Only once you know the object of your lust better and see them flaws and all will you really know if you have found love. In the early days of a relationship lust rules and when the dust settles many people find they don’t really like the person to whom they were so intensely physically attracted. When this happens the relationship abruptly ends and leaves people wondering where the love went. But love is more than a physical longing, although physical attraction is definitely a key ingredient in any romantic relationship, and if all you have between you is attraction you’re not really in love. Really loving another person takes time, it takes perseverance and it can’t be based on physical attraction alone. Until you know somebody well you can’t really be in love.

Reasons Why I Love You

  • I can be myself when I am with you.
  • Your idea of romance is dim lights, soft music, and just the two of us.
  • Because you make me feel like, like, like I have never felt before.
  • I can tell you anything, and you won't be shocked.
undying faith
  • Your undying faith is what keeps the flame out of love alive
  • You and me together, we can make magic.
  • We're a perfect match.
  • Thinking of you, fills me with a wonderful feeling.
  • Your love gives me the feeling, that the best is still ahead.
  • You never give up on me, and that's what keeps me going.
  • You are simply irresistible
  • I love you because you bring the best out of me.
sense of humor
  • Your terrific sense of humor
  • Every time I look at you, my heart misses a beatheart
  • You're the one who holds the key to my heart
  • You always say what I need to hear (You are perfect).
  • You have taught me the true meaning of love.
  • Love is, what you mean to me - and you mean everything.
  • You are my theme for a dream.
  • I have had the time of my life and I owe it all to you.
  • When I look into your eyes, I can see your heart.
  • Your love for me is a natural anti-depressant.
by my side
  • I love to hear your voice.
  • Your love has helped me to rediscover myself.
  • Your love is an effective anti-dote to despair.
  • I love to wake up with you by my side...It makes my days better.
  • You always make me feel that you are by my side no matter what.
  • I love that feeling of being secure when you wrap your arms around me.
  • I love the way you keep your cool when I do something stupid.
  • Just being with you feels like I can defy the whole world.
  • You mean the world to me.
  • I like your small gestures that speak volumes about how much you care.
arms around you
treasure of love
  • I love the way you treasure the gifts that I gave you.
  • I love the way you patch up with me after a tumultuous fight.
  • And, of-course, your intelligence, 'cause you were smart enough to fall in love with me ;-)

Am I in Love?

It is a very common question, "How can I tell I'm in love?", but it is not an easy question to answer. What feels like love to one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they are in lust. This can get confusing when you are a teen because romantic love is a relatively new concept for you and you don't know what to expect. You are overwhelmed with all sorts of new feelings and social pressures. They are confusing. What is love? What makes you want a romantic relationship with one person and not another? How does your heart choose a partner? Why does love end? These questions can't be easily answered.

One of the most confusing quasi-love feelings is lust. Lust is a very powerful, very intense feeling of physical attraction toward another person. Lust is mainly sexual in nature - the attraction is superficial based on instant chemistry rather than genuine caring. Usually we lust after people we do not know well, people we still feel comfortable fantasizing about. It is very common for people to confuse lust for love. But why? What is it about lust and love that make them so easy to mix up? If lust is all about sex, how can a relationship without sex be about lust? Teens struggle with this because they see lust in the Biblical sense, but lust isn't that sinister. Lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. Love is about much more than that. Yet many teens (and to be fair, many adults) confuse an intense attraction for some sort if divine love. For teens, since feelings of attraction are still new and since pop-culture sells sex and love as one package, it is very easy to get the two mixed up.

Lust is clearly not love. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the sappiness aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Why do two people love each other?

Why do two people love each other? Why do we need someone to love? Why cannot we love ourselves and exist alone? And what is that chemistry that a couple loves each other? Why both should love each other, and no body else? Love is truly a mystery.

The first reason is of course the passion one feels for the other. Call it hormones, mind, heart, emotions or whatever, one falls in love with another person and cannot live without him/her. Physical beauty is not the sole criteria in romantic passionate love. A very beautiful girl can passionately fall in love with an ordinary looking man to the surprise of all. There is something more that is yet to be explored. Ask a lover about why he/she loves her beloved and you will never get a logical answer. Love does not measure qualities, nor sets any standards. Love happens.

Sometimes the love arises out of appreciation of qualities of the other. This love is different than romantic love, but can be equally magnetic. You may get attracted to some persons singing so much that you want to be with him/her at all times. It can be any quality, but it is the appreciation of quality that brings forth this love. In this case the love is passionate love with that quality.

In some cases two persons find so many things alike between each other that they believe they are soul mates. Made for each other, these lovers are bound by the common qualities. What ever may be the reason for falling in love, please fall in love because it is incomparable.